Friendship

My name‿ is Marta. I have several hundred‿ acquaintances│ and,│ if‿ I am candid,│ three friends,│ and‿ it has taken me most‿ of my adul(t) life to accep(t) that this‿ is not‿ a deficiency but‿ an‿ ordinary distribution.

What separates the categories‿ is reciprocity under pressure. Anna and‿ I have known one‿ another│ since primary school,│ an(d) when my father was dying she appeared‿ unasked‿ an(d) stayed four days. That,│ rather than‿ anything that was said,│ is the test‿ I now apply. I have‿ also ended‿ a friendship that had become superficial,│ and‿ I do not regret‿ it:│ loyalty that survives‿ only│ because‿ it has never been tested‿ is not loyalty but‿ inertia,│ an(d) to be taken for granted‿ is corrosive‿ in‿ a way that‿ a quarrel‿ is not.

Most‿ of the friendships‿ I have los(t) were not los(t) dramatically. Nobody betrayed‿ anybody;│ we drifted‿ apart│ after university and,│ on meeting^mee-ding‿ again,│ discerned that there was nothing lef(t) to say. Then,│ out of^outta the blue,│ an‿ ol(d) friend‿ apologised two years‿ ago for something that had happened‿ in 2011,│ an(d) we were reconciled‿ over‿ a coffee,│ which suggests that the capacity to apologise rather than the capacity to forgive‿ is what sustains the long‿ ones. I confide‿ in very few people. I would rather have three│ who would‿ appear‿ at midnight than thirty^thir-dy│ who would send‿ a message‿ in the morning.