Marriage

My name‿ is Sofia. I married‿ on the premise that love would suffice,│ an(d) six years later^la-der‿ I would say the premise‿ is not so much‿ erroneous‿ as radically incomplete.

The customary objection to arranged marriages,│ that they are loveless,│ rests‿ on‿ an‿ assumption‿ I regard‿ as lazy. My cousin's marriage was‿ arranged,│ an(d) the reciprocal regard‿ in‿ it‿ is more conspicuous than‿ in several love matches‿ I have‿ observed,│ mine‿ included‿ on certain‿ evenings. What her marriage possessed,│ an(d) mine‿ initially lacked,│ was not‿ affection but clarity:│ the expectations were negotiated│ before the wedding rather than discovered│ after‿ it. It‿ is not romance that makes‿ or breaks‿ a marriage,│ I have found,│ but the readiness to concede‿ on matters that‿ are,│ objectively,│ negligible.

Our‿ underlying strain was never the large questions. It was the household:│ whose parents were visited‿ at Christmas,│ who last‿ emptied the dishwasher,│ who was permitted to be tired. We argued for‿ a year‿ about‿ a December weekend,│ ostensibly over geography│ and‿ in fact‿ over status,│ and‿ it was‿ only│ when we conceded that poin(t) that the remainder became negotiable. I would not claim we have reconciled‿ everything,│ and‿ I distrus(t) couples│ who say they have. Love‿ is the precondition,│ in my experience,│ not the mechanism.