Marriage

My name‿ is Sofia. I married‿ on the premise that love‿ alone would be sufficient,│ an(d) six years later^la-der‿ I would say that premise‿ is not so much false‿ as‿ incomplete.

The criticism made‿ of‿ arranged marriages,│ that they are loveless,│ rests‿ on‿ an‿ assumption‿ I fin(d) lazy. My cousin's marriage was‿ arranged,│ an(d) the mutual respect‿ in‿ it‿ is more visible than‿ in several love matches‿ I know,│ including my own‿ at certain moments. What her marriage has that mine‿ initially lacked‿ is not‿ affection but clarity:│ both families negotiated the expectations│ before the wedding rather than discovering them‿ afterwards. It‿ is not romance that makes‿ or breaks‿ a marriage,│ in my experience,│ but the willingness to concede‿ on matters that‿ are‿ objectively trivial.

The underlying strain‿ in‿ ours was never the large questions. It was the household:│ whose parents we visited‿ at Christmas,│ who emptied the dishwasher,│ who was permitted to be tired. We argued for‿ a year‿ about‿ a December weekend,│ an(d) the argumen(t) was‿ about status,│ not geography. Once we conceded that,│ the res(t) became negotiable,│ although I would not claim we have reconciled‿ everything. Love‿ is the precondition,│ I have found,│ not the mechanism.